AT AND YOU YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE
Each one of us is unique individual, and each one us
(our companion and we) has his own personality, characteristically, styl
and temperament. At the same way, we have our own preferences for
the characteristics of our companion that we want to see also for which
we feel comfortably.
We tend to overlook the small deteriorations (taxes)
these subjects in the beginning of relation. They appear so much
small compared to the beautiful sentiments that we have in other sectors
of our friendship. Often we suppose that the affection will find way
to conquer. Each one however of these subjects is as a hjono'mpala
in top of hill, small and insignificant in the beginning, but when it
leads to the pa'to, it has become much bigger.
After certain years of marriage, what began as small
nuisance, has become big concern.
The persons are often bothered when the other try to
them they change, specifically when they are not convinced that such
something needs or that it is right. What in the beginning appearred
a easy adaptation in the habits of other, results a conflict of forces. The
other individual feeling that he is not loved and does not become acceptable
as he is, will feel that he has been rejected and it will be hurt or
cymw'sej. The result will be misunderstandings, categories, increasing
ehcrjko'tita and entire rupture of useful communication.
The good news is that this it can be avoided.
Of course here exist a lot of subjects that should be
taken into consideration. We have right we wait for from our companion
it makes certain changes? If the answer is "yes", then
how can these handle, without we hurt or we vex our companion? If
the answer is "no", how we handled the disappointment, the
nuisance and our concern?
It right is we wish the change? It depends from why the change
is desirable and the nature of this. If we came in embarrassment
from the tendency of our companion to be "the centre of company",
it should we think the situation rightly. We are simply different
from our taj'rj and enjoy the things with different ways? If the
behavior of our companion is akj'ndyni, really necessary the is change? It
can we were bothered when the taj'rj to us leaves open the toothpaste. However
nevertheless, this is something akj'ndyno and perhaps it should we are
more anektjkoj' and receptive in more less situations as this. Will
exist a lot of subjects as this, which simply ask better comprehension
and his more acceptance of one from the other.
The key here is that does not exist subject of change,
when does not take place some villain. We require ahrej'astes changes,
it can bring up negatively feelings and mploka'rej the street of realisation
of important changes in other subjects of marital happiness and growth.
However, what becomes with the concerns that can't become
bearable or acceptable even if have become real efforts? What happens
with the subjects that threaten they become harmful? As we take
zi'lja for example. Can a companion be so much zilja'ris/a that
becomes very possessive and distrustful. These thoughts and the
feelings will become a big concern for our taj'rj. If they do not
negotiate certain changes, this will harm the marriage and it will threaten
Exist seven steps you make also faculties to learn in
this process. It should they are comprehended, they become acceptable
and they are placed in application and by the two parts.
Each one of us is her unique individual with his/
characteristically, the personality and styl. You are accepted
and you are adapted in them it is the key for a achieved marriage.
WHEN YOU ASK the COMPANION ALLAXEI:
1. Him you make with attention, you affection and you show
sensitivity to your taj'rj avoiding the anger and the malice.
2. You are sincere and open, than to you deny what
feels and believes. The sincerity does not need it is expressed
with anger. The discretion is more important than the hard wmi'
3. You focus in what you believe and feel, with regard
to the behavior that you worries. Epjtj'ce-ste in the individual. Remain
in the expression of your opinion with regard to the activity or behavior
that you bothers. Deal with the subject in question - you do
not accuse the individual.
4. You hear and comprehend the reaction of your companion. You "you
caused" the comments, on this you hear what has says your companion
for this. Have "open" brain, elasticity, and you are
ready to discuss and to make certain reprocesses.
WHEN YOUR COMPANION, YOU ASKS TO CHANGE:
1. You hear and you try to occupy what says your companion. Be
assembled in the subject.
2. When you are sure that you comprehend completely
the ce'ya you express your own opinion and reaction, with affection and
sensitivity for your companion.
3. You remember, that your companion, you appreciates
enough in order to she wants they are brought down that obstacles exists
EXERCISE - FACING THE CHANGE
Exists below a exercise that you will help if you want
to make certain changes.
Step 1 In above half titled:
CHANGES THAT I BELIEVE THAT IT SHOULD I MAKE, you record
2 or 3 changes that believe that it should ka'ne|e so that you become
better companion in the marriage. (Perhaps you prefer you begin
with one only subject.)
Step 2 In under half titled:
CHANGES THAT I NEED IN MY COMPANION, you record 2 or
3 changes that you believe that your taj'rj should make so that becomes
better companion. (Perhaps you prefer you begin with one only
Step 3 When you have finished also the two, you together read,
with attention the seven proposals that are reported above.
Step 4 You exchange your lists the one with the other. Say
in your taj'rj if the changes in the column: "the changes
that I believe O|J should I make" they really need. If they
need, you are discussed how these can become. Make sure itself
stj you drew how you can help the one the other in your changes eaytoy'
that also the two you wish.
Step 5 Afterwards you go to the "changes of companion" and
you are shared those that are found in the down part of page. Use
again the seven points of previous page in order to you discuss these
subjects. Aim you answer in these questions: It is asked
allani' fair? It is logic? Even if the two you agree that
the change is desirable, how you can work together in order to him
NOTE: Certain pairs can find the exercise successful,
if him they make presence of familial adviser. Also, the moment
that you attempt this exercise, should be moment of intensity or neuron,
but calm also in scale of collaboration. It is not exercise of
resolution of conflict, but activity of constructive relation.